Weather From Our Sponsors

12 days ‘til Christmas; SA needs assistance

The recent “cold snap,” as optimists call it, has put a crimp in the annual Sheridan Salvation Army bell ringers campaign. It’s problematic, because: volunteers have canceled their shifts because of the bitter temperatures; and, customers are bundled from head to toe and aren’t prone to reach for cash, if they’re out at all.

This from Lt. Kim Warriner of the SA. She and Capt. Don Warriner have stood by kettles, filling in for volunteers, but the donations are about half as much from last year.

Lt. Warriner adds that the donated funds are committed to Sheridan. If you’d like to help, call 672-2444.

“We only have 12 days left. Let’s make it a blessed 12 days of Christmas,” she says.

 

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Latenight funnyman Conan O’Brian recommends to the Obama Administration that if they want more young people to sign up for the Affordable Care Act in order to get a better financial balance, “they should include medical marijuana.”

Time was, a $30 bag of pot was a part of life; these days, it’s a $30 “co-pay.”

 

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The Goodfellow Fund, sponsored by The Sheridan Press and Bank of the West, has more than $2,300 in it to date. These funds also go to The Salvation Army — clothing, food, toys. This year’s drive runs through Dec. 31.

 

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I see by the paper………

• Jimmy Buffett’s “Why Don’t We Get Drunk” lyrics aside, country-and-western song titles have long amused. Another favorite had been, “How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?” The tunesmith was Dan Hicks. Another, by Brendan FitzSimons of Nogales, is “Stop Worrying, In Two Days Tomorrow Will Be Yesterday.”

And then there is this one: Joe Nichols of Tucson has written a song entitled, “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off.”

• Many times in print you’ll see this series of symbols @#$%&* in place of swear words. Those symbols actually have a name and are called a “grawlix.” The term is attributed to Mort Walker, the cartoonist who created the “Beetle Bailey” comic strip.

 

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A teacher’s first-graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different hair color than the other family members. One of her students suggested he was adopted.

A little girl said, “I know all about adoption. I was adopted.”

“What does it mean to be adopted?” asked another child.

“It means,” said the girl, “that you grew in your mommy’s heart, instead of her tummy.”

 

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Quotable

“What I don’t like about Christmas office parties is looking for a job the next day.”

 

— Phyllis Diller, comedienne/actress/author, 1917-2012

 

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